So, what can I expect from this toilet?

I don't know what you look for in a toilet figuratively, but this is pretty literal.

I wonder about the "quotes", but I am crystal clear about the action on this sucker.

Although, I could see a reasonable person standing there, in need, reading this and wondering whether this model worked with gravity or against it.

I mean, I've seen enough fighter pilot movies that the words "eject" and "seat" indicate an upward trajectory.

A free baby picture for those who supply alternative titles for this post.